Arya News - Case shows court’s ruling to allow same-sex marriage has yet to get social acceptance in the Himalayan country.
KATHMANDU – After a relationship of two years, Ramita and her partner Shilu, both 22, went to the Sunkoshi Rural Municipality in Sindhuli on Thursday to have their marriage registered.
They thought it would be an easy process as Nepal’s Supreme Court had passed a verdict in June 2023 to allow same-sex marriage.
But instead of recognition, they faced delay and rejection at the hands of the local unit—and ultimately, separation, enforced by the police.
The local unit cited a lack of legal clarity. “We don’t know about this same-sex marriage issue or the legal procedures for it,” a local unit official told Shilu, who the Post is identifying with a pseudonym to protect her privacy. The official added that they would need 15 days to study the case.
With no other option, the couple decided to wait. But their private decision to marry soon became public.
Ramita’s family, unwilling to accept their relationship, filed a missing person’s report with the police. Both families arrived at the district police office in Lalitpur the next morning, where the situation escalated.
Ramita’s sister-in-law aggressively confronted Shilu. In separate discussions arranged for negotiation, Ramita, also identified with a pseudonym for privacy, clearly said that she wanted to marry Shilu, but her family refused to allow it.
Concerned about safety, the police sent both women to the women’s cell in Jawalakhel. However, even there, Ramita’s sister-in-law attempted to forcibly drag her away in what Shilu described as “an abduction-like manner.” The police initially warned the family, but later reversed course.
Despite Ramita’s repeated insistence that she felt unsafe with her family, SSP Shyam Krishna Adhikari, chief of Lalitpur district police office, handed her over to her brother and sister-in-law. “I was forcefully handed over to people who I feel unsafe with,” Ramita said. “The police didn’t hear my plea.”
At the police station, Ramita happened to be holding Shilu’s hand to protect her from verbal and physical threats from her sister-in-law. For that, both Ramita and Shilu told the Post that SSP Adhikari reacted with hostility.
“The SSP used very bad words that I cannot even mention,” Shilu said. “He said, ‘What drama is this? Even a boy and a girl cannot hold hands, and you two women? What kind of drama are you doing?’ He verbally abused me and told us to let go of each other’s hands.”
Ramita seconded that. “They treated us badly and mocked our relationship,” she said. According to Shilu, they were even demeaningly asked to show proof of their relationship.
But SSP Adhikari denied any misconduct. “I didn’t know about same-sex marriage… legally, it seems possible,” he said. “But Ramita’s family had filed a case saying their daughter had been away for seven days, so we had to investigate.”
Asked why Ramita was returned to a family she described as abusive, Adhikari said, “We couldn’t find any proof of physical abuse. She didn’t have any marks or anything. Her mother and sister-in-law were there. If they didn’t love her, why would they come?”
He added, “We don’t have any ill intent. I even told their family they are adults and should not be forced into anything. But the law doesn’t give us the authority to hand over one girl to another girl. If it were a case of a man and a woman, it would be quite different.”
For Ramita, the trauma is far from over. “My sister-in-law and other family members want to take me to a dhami (faith healer) to cure my ‘disease’ of wanting to marry another woman,” she said. “Since my period is going on, they’ve stopped. But once it ends, I don’t know what kind of torture I’ll endure.”
Her sister-in-law, she said, told her, “Even if you die or become disabled, I’ll still make you marry a man.”
The incident has drawn condemnation from rights activists. Sunil Babu Pant, former constituent assembly member and executive director of MayaKo Pahichan Nepal, called it a “grave violation of human rights.”
In a press statement, he said, “A lesbian woman has been abducted with the involvement of the police. This is not just an administrative failure but reflects the state’s irresponsible attitude toward the LGBTQ+ community.”
The Supreme Court, in June 2023, issued an interim order granting same-sex and ‘third-gender’ individuals the right to marry. Later that year, in November, the government formally recognised a marriage between two Nepalis of the same legal gender for the first time. Over 15 same-sex couples have since registered their marriages.
The court had directed the government to create a separate marriage register for queer couples, granting them legal recognition. But local authorities have been inconsistent in applying this order, as seen in the case of Ramita and Shilu.
“There is a law in place,” Ramita said. “Yet why is it so difficult? How come neither the police nor the Sunkoshi Municipality understood us?”
MayaKo Pahichan Nepal has demanded safety for both women, an investigation into the police’s role, and systemic reform to prevent such incidents.
For now, Ramita remains in fear of her family, and Shilu waits, grieving the forced separation, hoping for justice.
“We are very afraid… I cannot even communicate with her [Ramita] properly, she is in a hostage-like condition,” said Shilu. “We need urgent help from responsible bodies. Marriage is our human right, so why are we being denied and condemned because of it?”